I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
