I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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