2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
