That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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