Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
