Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
