You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize