Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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