I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
soo... how was my night?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
