I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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