I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
