It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
