omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
