Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
