You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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