so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
