Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
