She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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