My cat gives me a boner
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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