And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
