dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
