i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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