It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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