Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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