After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
