im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
