blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
