Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
