sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
