the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
