I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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