My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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