seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
