I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
