I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize