I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
