A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
