he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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