There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
