I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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