Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
