Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
