She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
