I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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