I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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