I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
