I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
