My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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