Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
