weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
