I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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