I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
