you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
