Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
