it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Randomize
