My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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