I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
