A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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