dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
