My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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