Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
