Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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