Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
