My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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