the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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