By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
