Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think your dad took our porno
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize