Clothes are such an inconvenience.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize