i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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