i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I will be naked everywhere
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
