You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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