that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
