Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
