I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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